Prepare Ye For JesusWeen!

Prepare Ye For JesusWeen!

Is nothing sacred anymore? Apparently not to some Evangelical Christians who feel celebrating the eve of All Hallow’s Day is evil:

Evangelical Christian can’t get enough of conservative Jesus—the judgy one—so they want to put him everywhere: on Starbucks cups, in schools and even in the ‘ween.

Yes, you read that correctly.

Halloween, also known as All Hallow’s Eve—the precursor to All Saints Day on November 1—is not hallowed enough for the likes of some Evangelical Christians.

Instead, they would prefer to transform the holiday into “JesusWeen.”

When Christianity was spreading through Europe, following the Roman Empire, they usurped the Celtic holiday of Samhain and made it their own by calling it All Hollow’s Day, but kept many of the same traditions, such as giving away treats. Halloween is just a way to say Hallow Eve.

But these right wing Evangelicals apparently aren’t able to process that, and thus their JesusWeen, making it even more hilarious. (“Ween” is slang for penis.)

But it does raise some disturbing questions in my mind. Like what are the costumes going to look like and who wears them? I mean, will there be a lot of little penises running around or what?

And exactly what is being handed out then? Wait, don’t answer that. I don’t think I want to know.

Then there’s the issue of lawn decorations.

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